Yep, we tied the knot 44 years ago. Lately that knot feels more like a noose than anything.
Tell you the truth, if I knew then what I know now, I never would have married him.
If I’d known he had MS and how our lives would change so drastically because of it, yeah …second thoughts, third thoughts, never doing it, or doing it differently.
Plans, we would have had better plans.
Home improvements done early on, house sold, and the move made to a single floor dwelling done many years ago.
Staying in PA all these years, probably not.
So when I say MEH in response to all those ‘Oh, happy anniversary’ wishes from people. You know why.
I do love him, it’s just most days, I don’t like him very much.
He took away my best friend when he retired on disability and replaced him with an old Curmudgeon who sits in a chair and drives me crazy.
Yes, one tiny thing can do it.
One thing can send me off in a torrent of tears.
Usually it is a sweet memory of one of our dogs. Nine of them were our family over the years. Number ten, Lucy, is still with us making more memories. We didn’t have kids.
Other times it’s a Mom or Dad memory that chokes my throat and fills my eyes to overflowing. Or Grama shows up in a whiff of good baking.
The most tears fall when it’s a Mary memory. We were the closest two sisters can be.
Kay memories are bittersweet. She died when I was in my teens. At one time we were close but at the end we weren’t.
Betty memories are few and far between because she wasn’t home much after I was old enough to know her. A few tears fall in her memory.
I guess it’s age or maybe my heart is too tender.
For caregivers everywhere:
If the people we take care of only knew half of what goes through our minds, they might be less demanding.
Isn’t it enough that I do everything around here?
Do NOT make me feel like a slave by ordering me to do things. Do not make unreasonable demands.
Remember kindness begets kindness.
If I cook you food, eat the damned food without complaining because you could be consigned to a nursing home where the food is not as tasty as what I cook.
You can easily say please and thank you without damaging your fragile ego.
Ordering me about just makes me visualize things you’d rather not know.
Gas lighting me doesn’t work either.
I do NOT lift your dead weight these days since you completely destroyed my back.
If you fall down because you stupidly insist you can walk without a walker or cane, then you can expect me to call for help to get you up. I refuse to damage myself more just to let you hang on to your freaking pride.
No matter how many beloved pets you have, it is always painful when you lose one.
During the night Gavin’s back legs began to fail to support him and he cried all night. By morning, after a dose of his pain medication, his walking improved by only a tiny margin.
We made a decision. I couldn’t see him go through another night the way his last night was. His vet gently sent him on his way.
At 15 years of age, the dear old boy took the record for the longest lived of our dogs.
I wish to thank all the people on Facebook for the lovely sentiments they expressed. They were a comfort to both of us.
Fly my handsome boy, your Patty is waiting on the other side for you.