Taking applications for a new muse

My muse jumped ship a while ago. I guess she decided I just wasn’t giving her enough time.

Therefore, I am now taking applications for a new muse.

All muse applicants must keep in mind that I am a night person and the dogs and The Curmudgeon come first. You must like dogs.

Winged muses need to make sure they can fit through a 32 inch door before stopping by for an application.

If you are a dark muse please keep in mind that I do not read or write horror.

Any muse that can make excellent coffee has an automatic foot in the door.

 

Day 38…

Day 38, I haven’t killed them yet.  The snow is not melting and it has a thick ice covering thus effectively trapping us all.  Clear daggers of frozen beauty hanging from the roofs could work as weapons.  The evidence would melt away once the deed is done.

Dr. Who 50th anniversary.

       Yes, I spent the entire week watching all the shows on BBC America and last night watching the anniversary movie.  I am not a rabid Dr. Who fan, but I do enjoy the show.

       I have discovered which villain creeps me out completely.  Not the Daleks, nope.  It’s the weeping Angels!  OMG.  They completely creep me out!

     Which Dr. Who villain stepped on your creepy meter?   

Don’t blink (Photo credit: Scorpions and Centaurs)

See you later, I’m reading…

     Ever since I first discovered Piers Anthony’s Xanth books I’ve been hooked.  Yesterday his newest paperback showed up in my mailbox.

     Never guess where I’ve been since it arrived.  Well, maybe you will.  Yes!  I’ve been off into the land of Xanth.  I’ll be back there when I finish writing my post and an E-mail to my dear friend E.

     If you’ve never read the books, you can start with, ‘A Spell For Chameleon,’ and take your first journey into the land of living puns and adventure.

     Bye-bye, I am diving back in between the covers of ‘Luck of the Draw.”  You all have a good one!

Tornado alley is getting nailed again

Would everyone please keep Oklahoma and all the other people who are going through more storms in your thoughts and prayers.

I remember as a kid, living in Nebraska, we would have to hit the basements frequently.  I’d forgotten what it was like until many years later when I was helping my mother move and we had to hit the basement.  It wasn’t long afterwards, when a tornado jumped over the house, I remembered that freight train sound from my childhood.

Candles lit here for all you in Tornado alley.

The rest of you all have a good one!

Another piece of the fairy tale

     Mavelle checked her boot and was pleased to find her knife was still safe inside its sheath.  “At least the troll hadn’t the wits to search me.  We have your slingshots and my knife.  I wish this were the crystal knife though.”  Her heart lurched in her chest.  “Cragger!  I hope he’s alive.” 

     Lovena sniffed.  “Last night was cold.  Tonight will be colder.  Can you start a fire?”

     “Yes, I have a flint in the handle of my knife.”  Mavelle set to work lighting a fire.  Before long, they had a crackling good one going. 

     Sarah stood close to the fire rubbing her hands together.  “I thought I’d never be warm again.”

     Mavelle and Lovena sat next to each other; Lovena rested her head on her sister’s shoulder and asked, “Will we get out of here?”

     “We will.”

     Sarah scoffed.  “How can you be so sure of that?”

     “Because as long as I have a breath in me, as long as my heart beats in my chest, I will try to get us home.  Unlike you, dear sister.”  Mavelle spat those last words out.

The Washcloth

Ladies this has to be read, laughed at, and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won’t crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.  Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor’s office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, “My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” I didn’t respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal .. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, “Mommy, where’s my washcloth?”

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.”

Never going back to that doctor again……….. never.

You all have a good one and keep on laughing!!!

Fairy tale again, again….

     “Mavelle?”

     She heard her younger sister’s voice but her eyes refused to open. 

     “Mavelle?  Mavelle, it’s me Lovena.”

     “Oh, for pity’s sake.  Quit it.  I’m sick of hearing you calling her name.”

     That voice could only be Sarah’s, Mavelle thought as she tried to move.  A sharp pain sliced through her side.  She moaned and opened her eyes only to have them stabbed with a bright light.  She slammed them shut.

     A cold cloth, covered her eyes and a gentle hand smoothed her hair.  “You’re alive, dear sister.  Rest now.”

     Mavelle drifted off to sleep.

     The voice grated through her veil of sleep like a farrier’s rasp.  “We’ll never get out of here.  She was our last hope.”

     “Shut up, Sarah.”  Mavelle sat up.  “I wasn’t out there alone.  I had help.”  If Cragger and McDougal are still alive, that is.  She didn’t dare voice that aloud.

     Lovena ran to her side.  “Are you okay?”

     “I’ll live.”

     “Not for long if our rocky friend has anything to say about it,” said Sarah.

     “Always the pessimist.”  Mavelle tipped an imaginary hat to Sarah.  “Lovena, what do we have?”

     “I’ve made three slingshots exactly the way you taught me to do.  Even though Sarah had no petticoats to spare for the job, I managed by using all of mine and part of yours.  We have a fire pit and every scrap of wood I could find I stacked near it.  I couldn’t get one started.  I hope you have more skill.  There’s no food, but we have water.”

Joke for today…The Dress.

A mother-in-law stopped by unannounced at her
son’s house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in and she
was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch totally naked.
Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.

“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.

“Love dress? But you’re naked!”

“Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained. It
excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress he instantly
becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of
me”

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed,
showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic
CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my love dress,” she whispered sensually.

“Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

 

You all have a good one and keep on laughing!

 

English: “My Wife and my Mother-in-Law”, a famous optical illusion. Appears in Puck, v. 78, no. 2018 (1915 Nov. 6), p. 11. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

A quick funny for you today.

                                A Fairy Tale for the Assertive Woman

     Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful princess happened upon a frog, as she sat contemplating ecological issues, on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

      The frog hopped into the Princess’ lap and said, “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back Into the dapper, handsome, charming, young Prince that I was and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother. There, you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

      That night, on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, “I don’t fucking think so.”

Goliath the bullfrog

Screaming frog

Fairy tale continues…

     Cragger crept forward through the thick undergrowth.  Mavelle and McDougal followed close behind.  Heavy vines, bushes loaded with thorns, and moss-covered ground made the going slow.  More than once Mavelle’s feet slipped out from under her and Cragger helped her to her feet.  Their conversation limited to grunts and groans by the effort they put forth.

     Before long, they had a view of Lovena and Sarah’s prison.  Mavelle’s gaze swept over the heavy stone that kept her sisters prisoner.

     “How will we ever get them out of there even when we kill the troll?” 

      “You forget, I’m a dwarf, and we dwarves have a way with stone.”  He pointed to a thicket ahead of them.  “We can take cover there until he appears.”

      Mavelle pushed to her feet and continued.  Once they reached the thicket, they used hand signals to position themselves.  Cragger watched one direction while Mavelle watched the opposite.

      McDougal growled.  The rumble came from deep within his body.  He raised his lips to show his teeth, and stared at a pile of rubble in front of them that began to move.  In an instant Mavelle was helpless in a grip of stone.  The last thing she saw was Cragger’s limp body flying through the air.  The last thing she heard was McDougal’s howl of pain.

Fairy tale, small section this time …sorry Cuz.

     “Then most certainly one of the fish is his.”  Cragger tossed the largest fish to McDougal.  “Here’s yours.”

     The dog settled down and tore into his meal, his tail wagged the entire time.  As soon as he finished, he walked over to Mavelle and gave her face a big slurp.

     “Oh, icky fish breath!  You crazy hound.”  She hugged his neck for a minute.  “Go lie down now.”

     “Here” Cragger passed a plate to her.  “We’ll need plenty of energy for what we have to do.”

     They passed their meal in silence then, their thoughts filled with what was to come.  The imagination is not a pretty thing sometimes.