Category Archives: MS related

Another day watching MS take its toll

The Curmudgeon won’t openly admit it but #Twitler has him scared. He’s terrified of losing our only income, the cost of his care going through the roof, and so much more.

It’s not like we don’t already have enough to worry about.

Sigh.

The Curmudgeon’s shirt today

Jay's shirt

If they only knew…

For caregivers everywhere:

If the people we take care of only knew half of what goes through our minds, they might be less demanding.

Isn’t it enough that I do everything around here?

Do NOT make me feel like a slave by ordering me to do things. Do not make unreasonable demands.

Remember kindness begets kindness.

If I cook you food, eat the damned food without complaining because you could be consigned to a nursing home where the food is not as tasty as what I cook.

You can easily say please and thank you without damaging your fragile ego.

Ordering me about just makes me visualize things you’d rather not know.

Gas lighting me doesn’t work either.

I do NOT lift your dead weight these days since you completely destroyed my back.

If you fall down because you stupidly insist you can walk without a walker or cane, then you can expect me to call for help to get you up. I refuse to damage myself more just to let you hang on to your freaking pride.

flip the bird goth style

 

Caregivers, the loneliest people

We don’t have any place to turn to for a moment of relief.

No one wants to hear our tales of woe.

There’s never any help when you need it unless you pay through the nose for it.

Friends disappear.

No one asks how you are but they always ask how she/he is.

People are quick to offer advice but never offer to help.

We often feel as if we’re losing our minds.

 

Gone crazy …be back…?

There are days where I can’t wait for him to go up for his afternoon nap or to bed for the night.

Days where his voice alone makes me cringe in a ‘now what the hell does he want?’ bend of mind.

Those are the days where I’ve blasted past exhausted and landed into the “I can’t do it any more” zone.

Once he’s gone to bed for whichever… I feel as though I can …maybe…breathe for a minute.

The stress-tightened iron bands around my chest loosen…a little.

All to soon, he wakens to begin the cycle again.

Release the Kraken!

recipe-1

Some bad days and many worse days

It’s painful to watch The Curmudgeon allow himself to circle the drain. His doctors have recommended exercise, physical therapy, and even swimming.

He refuses saying they only make him hurt more.

Fine. If you’re determined to do a slow death spiral, go ahead, but I refuse to be a part of it.

I will no longer participate in your idiocy.

I refuse to be egged into daily battles.

In the meantime, I intend to work on my health and well-being.

restraining-order

Sunny, 80 degrees, and I missed out on it.

Yep, I didn’t get to enjoy the lovely weather we had yesterday.

Why?

Well, because…The Curmudgeon, That’s why.

Yeah, a week ago he mentioned in passing that he had a tiny infection in one of his injection sites. (He takes Rebif for his MS and does 3 injections a week.) I told him to keep it clean and use an antibiotic cream on it.

Come to find out, his idea of keeping it clean was to wipe it down with an alcohol prep pad and that was all.

Yesterday he ‘thought maybe the infection was a bit worse’ and should he try doing something else?

Without looking at it, (next time I look) I told him that maybe he needed a trip to the doctor just in case. Good thing I did.

We did a drop in at our Dr.’s emergency center. There, I finally got a look at the ‘infected site’ when the doctor took a look and my response was: “WTF! That’s no little infection you idiot!” No wonder he didn’t ask me to look at it.

He got two, yes, two shots of a hefty antibiotic in his butt, one in each cheek, and a prescription for 10 days of another one.

SMDH.

facepalm mummy

Almost didn’t post today

After spending an hour and a half loading The Curmudgeon’s pill cases for the month, my eyes are tired, my back is killing me, my neck is stiff, and my head aches.

I do this every month.

Not once have I ever heard a thank you.

When I’d set my Mom’s pills up for her while she visited, she always said thank you to me and hers didn’t take half as long to do. But I only had set up a week at a time for her.

This is what I do for The Curmudgeon.

pill caddy

OMG sort of day

G had to postpone her staple removal to yesterday due to the snowstorm. She had a lot of staples in her knee and was crazy ready for them to come out.

After we left her doctor’s office, we went to the pharmacy to pick up her antibiotics and pain medication. She needs a delicate, light pain med or she’s off to lala land.

From there we came home and got her back into her house safe and sound.

Then I had to load Gavin into the car and take him to the vet’s office for his suture removal. That’s lifting 65 pounds of unwilling dog into the back of a van and coaxing him into a crate. It’s also lifting 65 lbs out, back in, and once home, out again and up the front steps.

What back pain…oh, you mean that…

Then after attempting to lift the downed Curmudgeon into his bed too many times tonight, I had to call 911 for help.

The guys from the nearby fire station know the routine pretty well and I was happy to see the familiar faces of the guys who were so sweet this summer and went over to G’s to get the AC she had and install it in my window. They always assure me it’s no problem to come and help him up when he has a bad day.

I’ve not been the nicest person to him, mainly because each demand he makes of me hasn’t helped my back pain. And each demand he’s made has been as soon as I’ve settled into a position where my back doesn’t hurt quite so bad.

Seriously, if I hit the lottery I am out of here. I cannot take much more without completely destroying my own mental and physical health. I’d leave him with a trust fund for his care but I am not now nor have I ever been a nurse. Being a nurse was never my career choice. Never. I am not the sort of person who can do the job, it is not a part of my being.

I can tile a floor and walls. I can break and train horses. Train and show dogs. Write. Garden. I have the credentials for veterinary assistant. I’ve done retail management and all sorts of office work.

I have NEVER had the desire to be a nurse.

Anyone wanting the job is welcome to it.

need-something-stronger-for-the-bs

And so it goes on…

Life was a bit easier here at casa Doggonedmysteries this day.

He woke and got up without a problem.

I think even the house breathed a sigh of relief. I know I was holding my breath waiting to see what this day would bring.

Yes, he drives me completely crazy, but when he’s down for the count, it’s worse.

pincushion

They arrive with greater frequency

These bad days of his show up more often and last longer than they used to. It kills me to see him helpless and in bed. He doesn’t deserve this. No one does.

He had a horrible day today.

I can’t lift him from floor if he goes down. I can’t lift him into his bed.

My body has its own problems, some connected with being his caregiver. Some connected to the years I broke horses and rode trails. If my father had known how often I got thrown, I wouldn’t have had my horse for long. Although she wasn’t who I got thrown from. It was the horses the stable owner let me break and train that almost killed me a few times. At that age I was fearless and resilient.

I didn’t care that I’d pay for it later.

Time to dig out the tens machine again, being a caregiver today took its toll on my back.

Today’s Tee shirt

HPIM4775

 

 

That’s another hour I’ll never get back

It takes me over an hour to set up The Curmudgeon’s pills for the month. I’m not counting how long I stand in line to get all his medications.

Did two days early on and did all of the rest last night.

I was waiting for a prescription to get filled. Had to pick it up yesterday. I do believe I spend half of my time at our local CVS.

Seriously folks, if you take a lot of medications in a day go get this at Amazon.com. It makes things so much easier.

pill caddy

This isn’t the Wonderland I’d like to be in

It’s difficult to watch this man fall apart more each day.

We’ve been married for 43 years and together for two years before that.

We had our ups and downs but this has been a very long down since his diagnosis in 1989. It’s difficult when you no longer have any ups.

The fall down this rabbit hole is far from pleasant and when you hit the bottom, you realize that yes, things can get worse.

There is no bouncing back. This is not relapsing remitting MS. This is that long, slow fall down the rabbit hole into a Wonderland that has gone bad.

I hug my bull terrier