Laundry day

Clothes were done and it was time to wash the dog’s bedding, the blanket that protects the couch from the dogs, and Ted (Lucy’s favorite blanket from http://www.teddythedog.com/Home_Is_Where_the_Dog_Is_Plush_Throw_Blanket_p/hwdiptb.htm )

Poor Lucy reminded me of Linus in the Peanuts comics. She wanted Ted and the blanket cover back on the couch and she wasn’t happy until they were back. Hysterically funny. Yes, we do call the blanket below Ted or Teddy and she knows what we are talking about. Make no mistake,Teddy is HERS!

My enabler enabled me again

G and I went shopping yesterday after I got my haircut.

We shouldn’t have gone to Pier One where they had this on sale:

I’ve wanted one like this for many, many years. She and the clerk were both ‘go ahead and buy it–it’s on sale 25% off!’ This picture was taken of it on my kitchen table–yeah, I bought it.

Then we stopped at Lowes where I found this:

Another item I’ve been looking for for years…and it was super cheap.

Go ahead buy it!

I did.

Enabled again.

Curmudgeon update

Yesterday, The Curmudgeon showed a few signs of improvement. He drove his truck. He left me sleep.

After I’d taken care of the dogs early in the morning and he woke up, I told him I was going to go sleep in my bed until I had to get up to take him to his appointment. I was beyond cranky and tired.

I dutifully set my alarm so I didn’t sleep too late to get him to his appointment. When the alarm went off, I dressed and came downstairs to find him gone. His truck gone too.

He’d taken G to pick up her vehicle at the repair shop and got home in time for us to head out for his appointment at the dentist. He was a bit worse for the wear but not as bad as he would’ve been a week ago.

When we went to his appointment he was back on the walker, that little trip took a lot out of him. But that’s okay, it showed him that he’s improved a bit.

You all have a good one.

My cleaning fairy is gone…

Yay, rain. Well, sort of Yay. We needed it for the plants but I didn’t need it to make mud directly outside the back porch door.

You see, last night I scrubbed my kitchen floor.

I have two dogs and a husband who forgets to wipe his feet. Yet he always manages to step in all the mud.  Yes, it’s like living with three three-year-old kids. What isn’t trashed, dirty, or sticky is what was just newly cleaned by me.

It never ends, it never gets easier, and I don’t have a maid to do it.

Sleep comes when it can.

I wish I could help but…

Donate now! Give to this and to that. Send us $$. Donate…donate…donate…

Charities calling constantly and we’re on the do not call list. Rescues begging for money for this dog and that one. Friends in need. My heart aches for all of them but we’re barely keeping our heads above water as it is.

We don’t go on vacations. We haven’t been on one in over three decades.

I pay our bills by who is threatening us the most. Between the cost of living and a very skimpy income, his medical bills alone are more than enough to break us.

Do you cry when you sit down to write out checks for bills? I do.

We have some expenses I pay before others that people might call frivolous but having someone mow our lawn and clear the snow in the winter keeps the city off our backs and me out of the hospital.

I wish I had billions of bucks and could help everyone, but we all know that’s never going to happen.

You all have a good one. I’m going to go do a bit of conjuring.

Can’t I sleep in yet?

I am not a morning person. I am not a morning person. I am not…you get the idea.

The dogs don’t.

I want to sleep in my bed.

I want to sleep in my bed my normal hours.

I hate sleeping on the couch.

I am not a morning person. I am not a morning person.

Bad neighbors

The wee hours of the morning and the idiots down the street have their music blasting so loud it vibrates our windows.

When did it become normal to have no respect for your neighbors?

I don’t care, I am not trying to sleep. However, I know of many people that live here who do not keep my weird hours and they do mind.

It’s a shame they have to resort to calling the police so they can get a good night’s sleep.

Yeah, those noisy neighbors are also a real pita during the daytime hours too. They are the ones who enjoy racing up and down the street on very loud and exhaust fume spewing not city street legal dirt bikes and ATVs.

Yes, they are the reason I so desperately want to move away from here.

Finding my center

What grounds and centers you? For me it’s working in my gardens.

I found some time to do that yesterday. It felt good.

In the back of the yard, I’ve cleared the dead stuff out of the zebra grass, and weeded the lemon balm bed. Later I began weeding the far end of the side garden. Tomorrow I’ll continue there and do some mulching so my hard work doesn’t come undone immediately upon the first heavy rain.

I finished tired, sweaty, and probably a bit more sore than I’d like, but that’s okay because I feel more like me.

Breakfast out

The dogs had me up early yesterday. Again. This time I couldn’t go back to sleep.

When The Curmudgeon came down, I suggested we go out to breakfast. He liked that idea, very unusual for him. He hasn’t liked to eat out for a long time.

I decided to call G and see if she wanted to join us. She did.

We had a delightful breakfast. The Curmudgeon had banana walnut pancakes. G and I both had creamed dried beef on toast with home fries. Yep, we did it again. Same menu choice,

I guess that was why I couldn’t go back to sleep. We were meant to go out.

Scheduled to death

So much running around this week taking The Curmudgeon hither and yon for appointments. I am exhausted and even with nothing scheduled for tomorrow, I have serious doubts anything I need to do around here will be done.

Next week is worse, I have two days where there isn’t something I have to run him to. However, one of those days is a holiday and the other, well, I have an appointment for a much-needed haircut and am accompanying G somewhere immediately afterwards…and yes, we will do lunch too.

I might sneak out early this morning after feeding the dogs and go fishing if the weather is nice enough. Shhhhhh. I need a break.

Cold, hot, cold, hot, cold …make up your freaking mind!

Cold weather again and will stay so until it jumps back into the 80s on Sunday. Not a good thing. All this up and down is driving everyone crazy.

Your body can’t get get used to the temperatures in preparation for summer’s heat.

The Curmudgeon suffers in the heat so at the first sign of it getting over the 80 degree mark, he turns on the AC.

Therefore I roast all winter and freeze all summer inside where I should be able to be the most comfortable.

MS, it’s a long goodbye

Over the last two weeks I’ve felt the tremendous outpouring of love from people all over the world. I appreciate it more than you can imagine.

As a caregiver there are too many times where I feel angry, hateful, and more than a little ready to throw in the towel.

I often feel as though I’ve lost myself somewhere. I’ve lost the person I once was in the pressures and helplessness of everyday life with someone with secondary progressive MS.

I see, each day, how much The Curmudgeon has gone away from me and am often overwhelmed with the desire to run away. To leave him before he goes away so it won’t hurt so much. Because my Dears, the pain of watching and not being able to help is harder than the pain of the guilt that would come with running.

Then, of course, I realize I can’t run. I have no escape, no way to go, no outside income, no one would employ me at my age and lack of a good resume. I must stay and watch him leave me every day, with no ease, no respite, no hope, and only the outpouring of affection from friends to make me take another step forward another day.

If it weren’t for friends and silly dogs, I don’t know where I’d be tomorrow.

Release the Kraken!